Sunday, January 18, 2009

Too Pooped

Heard the old saying a day seems as long as a week? Been there done that! How about

4 days =1months? !st snowday Thurs. windchills -40 degrees. so Altoona grandson wants to spend the night. No problem, except he's getting big and is trying to beat his friend's record of staying up until 6:00am playing games. That's cool except the game system is hooked up to my t.v. in my room. Did I mention he can't play a game sitting still? He fights when the people fight, he dodges when the people dodge.... you get the idea. Oh well, I have all day Thurs. to catch up on my sleep that I lost during the bed battles. Then it's night 2 and he "gets" to stay again. Toss, turn, move dogs over, cover up boy, let dogs out, shove boy over.....What? It's time to get up already? Drag my butt to school and only keep going knowing it is Friday and I can sleep in tomorrow. Right? Wrong!!!!! Grandchild #8 can't wait to 'pend the night with her best friend so she comes Fri. night instead of SAt!!!!! O.k. I can handle this...I mean she is only 4 1/2 and I'm very old. Only problem is she comes with a never ending battery that causes her mouth to never stop flapping. Wow can that girl gab. And to think she has only been in the US a llittle over 2yrs. I guess she's making up for the 2 yrs. she wasn't here. But she does love Bart my pug. She has to uncurl his tail and rub his ears all the time. The other dogs are o.k. but she "welwee" loves Bart. He's Chinese you know and oh Zoe had to tell me she was Chinese too. Anyway we finally get to sleep around......11:30 and not because I didn't try several time.

Next morning up and going at 7:30 the mouth and the baby. Went to a wrestling tourney and then to 'Hotel For Dogs" mouth still going softly. McDonalds next the home....and nap....NOT. Instead, only 1 mile from home we smash into a huge snow drift~ hard~tight. We sat there for an hour waiting for grandpa and Luke to pull us out. They finally had to get a tractor, go through the field and come from behind to get close enough to chain us up. After getting free I had to back down the road for about 1/4 mile before I could turn around. All the while my co-pilot is adding commentary. Why are we going backwards? We are going to get stuck again. and the dreaded "I gotta go potty" Comic relief was watching her straddle the waste basket to take a leak! That's gross! she said. Well, it came from you I countered. The best part was while we were driving home she stated Luke pulled us out. He's a Super Hero!!!!! Yes he was. Thanks Luke.

After all that excitement guess who wasn't tired? It sure wasn't Granny. plus add in the mix a new puppy we had just rescued we had another long night ahead.

After another looooooong night, church, Merle Hay Mall, I am pooped, I am going to bed and I am so glad I didn't start my family in my 40's like many women. ZZZzzzzzzzz

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

fantasyland








Well, there we were in fantasyland..the land of sweet characters, princesses, and innocence. ORLANDO home of Mickey, Goofy, Cinderella. All happy happy and joy joy. But wait! What did we hear? Pull Over! I gotta go! That is not a good sound as anyone knows who has been with one of the Stark girls when they are hit with the dreaded "Stark Disease", otherwise known as IBS. When we say pull over......lets just say if it ain't done quick enough we will suddenly develop a funny gait, much like a duck waddle, used to prevent the Blowout! Luckily we were right by the golden arches. Philip cranked it into the parking lot just in time. Deciding to use the time wisely he proceeded to pump gas as we waited. Climbing back into the car, a motion catches his eye. Wow, it was a SUV blasting into the lot with a cop on his tail! The cop barely stopped rolling before he jumped out of the car. Oh, this was getting good. And it got better. He didn't casually stroll up to the SUV but rushed it instead. Not only that but he had his hand on his weapon as he approached the vehicle! WOW! They take traffic violations seriously in happyland. It got even better. That cop was not happy. He was yelling and screaming at the guy in the car. I sure was scared. He looked really furious! He said something about stopping in the middle of the street, and picking something up there. Then he stuck his face clear into the car and yelled REALLY loud "Get out! Get out!" Then I knew he was going to throw that sucker down right in the parking lot of MacDonalds. But then the passenger door opened and a tiny, little blonde came calmly sauntering out. What did my eye behold? A real live Hooker! The cop kept yelling GET and she just calmly walked away. Philip couldn't see her as well as I could so I had to do the tail work. "Where's she at now? " She's walking down the sidewalk" "Where's she at now?" Crossing the street."Where's she at now?" I don't know I can't see her. Let's go see where she went.(Me) O.K. (Philip as he checks to make sure he has his "piece"..... For 1 second we thought of Wende. Oh wow she is missing it all, Then we drove away to follow the chick leaving Wende on the potty throne. We pulled out of the drive searching every direction and couldn't see her at all. As Philip, brave man that he is, went through the street light he said, "Oh Wende is going to be p----d at us." So he cranks a big one and slides back into the parking lot just as Wende starts out the door! PHEW. We motion her to hurry and get in and we are off again on a hooker hunt. This time we go through the intersection and it suddenly gets dark. Very dark. Like scary dark and Wende wisely say "I don't think this is a neighborhood we want to be in." We all agree and head back for the lights and the illlusion that goes with them that all is well in Happyland...as long as you don'tgo too far past fantasy and venture into reality!

Friday, January 2, 2009

Laugh!!!!!










It hurts so much to laugh! That's when I know it's a GOOD laugh. My bro-in-law pulled into the drive just as Wende and I were going to escape. She said don't' move he won't even see us. Well, we waited about 5 min. and he finally got out of the car and walked to the garage. She was right, didn't even see us! Then the fun and laughs began. Philip faced his car and hit the lock then turned around heading towards to door. Wende laided on her horn and Philip turned around and hit his key alarm again, and again, and again. Wende let off the horn, Philip turned around and headed for the door again. Wende hit the horn and Philip snapped around again hitting his car alarm. For added emphasis he jerked his arm down to make sure the horn would go off. We let off the horn, Philiip turned around, you guessed it.....By then we were laughing so hard. He still hadn't seen us! Finally Wende opened her door and yelled at him" no wonder you don't want to go to Germany for the CIA....you'd get killed!" His response, which I predicted exactly, I can't quote but it was in reference to a body part used for removal of waste. Every time we thought of it we busted out laughing all over again
Then it was time to meet a very funny lady. The thing is she doesn't plan to be funny. If anything is going to go wrong it will happen to Gloria. Like the time she took a trip by plane. Average ole trip ;nothing exotic. Right? Wrong we're talking Gloria here. Yep, you guessed it her plane got nailed by lightening!
O.k. so that was weird but that's not the end. When she got ready to come home she found out she had lost her driver's license and... she couldn't fly back home.




You had to be there to hear her tell it. Good thing I had on my Depends or I would have peed on her couch. Then there was the time the principal and teacher came to her home for a visit. It's to see what setting the children come from so they can better work with them. Well she forgot they were coming. She had hired a couple of friends of her brothers to help her move furniture. Her druggie brother that is. Payment :A 6 - pack of beer for a job well done. They were leaving as the school people came in. They didn't want to seem ungrateful so as they left they told her"See ya baby, I love ya!" She wanted to crawl into a hole! She told us she doesn't wake up and pray O.K. God, please F--- up my life today. But it just happens! She has the only pit bull that thinks she's a chihuahua and 3 chihuahuas that think they are pit bulls. Ask me. I had the lapdog pit bull sitting on my face! She had just had pups and.....her teats were so close to my eyes! Yuk.
Of course we also had to share our good times with my niece and nephew. Do you know HOW embarrassed grown children can get when their mama and aunt go flying by them in a convertable, with the top down, and the "oldies" cranked? Well let me tell you!



But, maybe it was just the car that embarrassed them?

Laughing what would life be without it?