Sunday, January 18, 2009

Too Pooped

Heard the old saying a day seems as long as a week? Been there done that! How about

4 days =1months? !st snowday Thurs. windchills -40 degrees. so Altoona grandson wants to spend the night. No problem, except he's getting big and is trying to beat his friend's record of staying up until 6:00am playing games. That's cool except the game system is hooked up to my t.v. in my room. Did I mention he can't play a game sitting still? He fights when the people fight, he dodges when the people dodge.... you get the idea. Oh well, I have all day Thurs. to catch up on my sleep that I lost during the bed battles. Then it's night 2 and he "gets" to stay again. Toss, turn, move dogs over, cover up boy, let dogs out, shove boy over.....What? It's time to get up already? Drag my butt to school and only keep going knowing it is Friday and I can sleep in tomorrow. Right? Wrong!!!!! Grandchild #8 can't wait to 'pend the night with her best friend so she comes Fri. night instead of SAt!!!!! O.k. I can handle this...I mean she is only 4 1/2 and I'm very old. Only problem is she comes with a never ending battery that causes her mouth to never stop flapping. Wow can that girl gab. And to think she has only been in the US a llittle over 2yrs. I guess she's making up for the 2 yrs. she wasn't here. But she does love Bart my pug. She has to uncurl his tail and rub his ears all the time. The other dogs are o.k. but she "welwee" loves Bart. He's Chinese you know and oh Zoe had to tell me she was Chinese too. Anyway we finally get to sleep around......11:30 and not because I didn't try several time.

Next morning up and going at 7:30 the mouth and the baby. Went to a wrestling tourney and then to 'Hotel For Dogs" mouth still going softly. McDonalds next the home....and nap....NOT. Instead, only 1 mile from home we smash into a huge snow drift~ hard~tight. We sat there for an hour waiting for grandpa and Luke to pull us out. They finally had to get a tractor, go through the field and come from behind to get close enough to chain us up. After getting free I had to back down the road for about 1/4 mile before I could turn around. All the while my co-pilot is adding commentary. Why are we going backwards? We are going to get stuck again. and the dreaded "I gotta go potty" Comic relief was watching her straddle the waste basket to take a leak! That's gross! she said. Well, it came from you I countered. The best part was while we were driving home she stated Luke pulled us out. He's a Super Hero!!!!! Yes he was. Thanks Luke.

After all that excitement guess who wasn't tired? It sure wasn't Granny. plus add in the mix a new puppy we had just rescued we had another long night ahead.

After another looooooong night, church, Merle Hay Mall, I am pooped, I am going to bed and I am so glad I didn't start my family in my 40's like many women. ZZZzzzzzzzz

Wednesday, January 7, 2009

fantasyland








Well, there we were in fantasyland..the land of sweet characters, princesses, and innocence. ORLANDO home of Mickey, Goofy, Cinderella. All happy happy and joy joy. But wait! What did we hear? Pull Over! I gotta go! That is not a good sound as anyone knows who has been with one of the Stark girls when they are hit with the dreaded "Stark Disease", otherwise known as IBS. When we say pull over......lets just say if it ain't done quick enough we will suddenly develop a funny gait, much like a duck waddle, used to prevent the Blowout! Luckily we were right by the golden arches. Philip cranked it into the parking lot just in time. Deciding to use the time wisely he proceeded to pump gas as we waited. Climbing back into the car, a motion catches his eye. Wow, it was a SUV blasting into the lot with a cop on his tail! The cop barely stopped rolling before he jumped out of the car. Oh, this was getting good. And it got better. He didn't casually stroll up to the SUV but rushed it instead. Not only that but he had his hand on his weapon as he approached the vehicle! WOW! They take traffic violations seriously in happyland. It got even better. That cop was not happy. He was yelling and screaming at the guy in the car. I sure was scared. He looked really furious! He said something about stopping in the middle of the street, and picking something up there. Then he stuck his face clear into the car and yelled REALLY loud "Get out! Get out!" Then I knew he was going to throw that sucker down right in the parking lot of MacDonalds. But then the passenger door opened and a tiny, little blonde came calmly sauntering out. What did my eye behold? A real live Hooker! The cop kept yelling GET and she just calmly walked away. Philip couldn't see her as well as I could so I had to do the tail work. "Where's she at now? " She's walking down the sidewalk" "Where's she at now?" Crossing the street."Where's she at now?" I don't know I can't see her. Let's go see where she went.(Me) O.K. (Philip as he checks to make sure he has his "piece"..... For 1 second we thought of Wende. Oh wow she is missing it all, Then we drove away to follow the chick leaving Wende on the potty throne. We pulled out of the drive searching every direction and couldn't see her at all. As Philip, brave man that he is, went through the street light he said, "Oh Wende is going to be p----d at us." So he cranks a big one and slides back into the parking lot just as Wende starts out the door! PHEW. We motion her to hurry and get in and we are off again on a hooker hunt. This time we go through the intersection and it suddenly gets dark. Very dark. Like scary dark and Wende wisely say "I don't think this is a neighborhood we want to be in." We all agree and head back for the lights and the illlusion that goes with them that all is well in Happyland...as long as you don'tgo too far past fantasy and venture into reality!

Friday, January 2, 2009

Laugh!!!!!










It hurts so much to laugh! That's when I know it's a GOOD laugh. My bro-in-law pulled into the drive just as Wende and I were going to escape. She said don't' move he won't even see us. Well, we waited about 5 min. and he finally got out of the car and walked to the garage. She was right, didn't even see us! Then the fun and laughs began. Philip faced his car and hit the lock then turned around heading towards to door. Wende laided on her horn and Philip turned around and hit his key alarm again, and again, and again. Wende let off the horn, Philip turned around and headed for the door again. Wende hit the horn and Philip snapped around again hitting his car alarm. For added emphasis he jerked his arm down to make sure the horn would go off. We let off the horn, Philiip turned around, you guessed it.....By then we were laughing so hard. He still hadn't seen us! Finally Wende opened her door and yelled at him" no wonder you don't want to go to Germany for the CIA....you'd get killed!" His response, which I predicted exactly, I can't quote but it was in reference to a body part used for removal of waste. Every time we thought of it we busted out laughing all over again
Then it was time to meet a very funny lady. The thing is she doesn't plan to be funny. If anything is going to go wrong it will happen to Gloria. Like the time she took a trip by plane. Average ole trip ;nothing exotic. Right? Wrong we're talking Gloria here. Yep, you guessed it her plane got nailed by lightening!
O.k. so that was weird but that's not the end. When she got ready to come home she found out she had lost her driver's license and... she couldn't fly back home.




You had to be there to hear her tell it. Good thing I had on my Depends or I would have peed on her couch. Then there was the time the principal and teacher came to her home for a visit. It's to see what setting the children come from so they can better work with them. Well she forgot they were coming. She had hired a couple of friends of her brothers to help her move furniture. Her druggie brother that is. Payment :A 6 - pack of beer for a job well done. They were leaving as the school people came in. They didn't want to seem ungrateful so as they left they told her"See ya baby, I love ya!" She wanted to crawl into a hole! She told us she doesn't wake up and pray O.K. God, please F--- up my life today. But it just happens! She has the only pit bull that thinks she's a chihuahua and 3 chihuahuas that think they are pit bulls. Ask me. I had the lapdog pit bull sitting on my face! She had just had pups and.....her teats were so close to my eyes! Yuk.
Of course we also had to share our good times with my niece and nephew. Do you know HOW embarrassed grown children can get when their mama and aunt go flying by them in a convertable, with the top down, and the "oldies" cranked? Well let me tell you!



But, maybe it was just the car that embarrassed them?

Laughing what would life be without it?

Wednesday, December 31, 2008

The Oldest City in U.S.
















Up bright and early Tuesday for a road trip to St. Augustine oldest city in the U,S, We were going to meet my nephew James (Jamie to me) and his family to tour the fort there. It was built to protect Spanish held Fl. from British attack. Sure glad I didn't live back then. I wouldn't make a good pioneer. We were lucky to beat the crowd and visit on a day that they reenacted the firing of the cannon. That was impressive!



Of course I spent much of my time looking at the boats watching them come and go. I really perked up when I saw a Coast Guard vessel stop a shrimp boat and board it. Now that's my kind of action. Was it a drug bust? Illegal immigrants? Pollution issue? never did find out but it did make me want to work hard to get crew qualified so I can go "boating"!

After the tour we went to eat at a seafood restaurant called The Conch. Fried shrimp the 2nd time in less than a week. HEAVENLY. not just shrimp, but real, huge ,fresh, shrimp with hush puppies on the side. We even ate outside in little tiki huts. Had a laugh or two watching the silly birds chasing each other trying to take a fish away from the lucky one that made the catch.

Soft sand, sunny day and shrimp on the beach Oh yeah!

Monday, December 29, 2008

ICE!!!!

Florida Christmas














Hey from Orlando...Florida that is. 80 degrees that is.....sunny too. Ahhhhh, my kind of Christmas! We left my sister's house around 9:00am from jacksonville. My bro-in-law was driving and we women we backseatin' enjoying life. After an uneventful trip we FINALLY arrived at the Gaylord Palms Hotel. We girls were soooo excited. We were going to see the ice sculptures and go into 9 degree temps. Excited???? Stupid??? anyway it was all we thought it would be and more. The first thing was to get nice and warm. Coats are furnished the latest style of course. I just kept pretending that they were deloused before I put it on. Then into the cold we went. We all said "ohhhh" and "Ahhhh" at the same time. How did they do it? Chinese artists are brought over a couple of months before the show to create their magic in 2 million tons of the cold stuff. Bythe end of the tour those ugly blue coats weren't warm enough even for this hardened Iowan. But the red noses and frosty ears were worth it. An experience I will always treasure.

Tuesday, December 9, 2008

Winter Storm=Snow Day


A big* huge* winter *storm was in the forecast last night. 4-8" of snow* ice* sleet* high winds *white out conditions. YEAH* that means no school! Hurrah* I love snow days. They are not like other days off* for some reason they are just special* Of course that is from the perspective of an old woman without school kids cooped up in the house with me* Well, anyway, they are like a gift from God and I am not really required to do anything on those rare days* Like clean house on Sats. or do lesson plans on Sundays* Just get up late* fix a big warm you up bkfst* then?????? I gazed out the window for awhile watching the birds gathered under the feeders that I had filled last night in anticipation of the storm* Then I took extra long in the potty room****reading a new book my neighbor had given me* No rush, I had ALL day, a free day* What to do next?
I decided to paint my bdrm! I was getting tired of purple; it had been on the wall for oh, say 10yrs* It was time to retire the angels and get something new and refreshing* (The art teacher at school will like the angel border, it is in good shape since i only staple and not paste it on* My neighbor(same as the book neighbor) had given me a gal* of paint so hee haw! I was ready* I had a little bit left from painting the living room so I used it for a 1st coat. The new paint would match just right and I could have the room done in no time* Yeah, right! Good thing I planned to do a second coat in the first place because the free paint was a FEW shades darker than the left over* So, instead of just painting the top half of the room that was a lilac color, I proceeded to paint the whole room covering a VERY dark wine color that was on the botton 1/2 of the walls*
Now it would have been easy to do if I had had a roller, which I did have, but SOMEONE, who had promised to paint behind the ref. in April, had left the roller in the paint tray all that time* I had a new roller cover but.....the old cover was now stuck fast to the roller which was stuck to the tray* After several "veiled hints" that it sure would be easier to paint if I had a roller, SOMEONE got up out of his chair and proceeded, with many huffs, and grunts, to take the old one off* Suddenly, I heard some "Cotton pickers", and some "for crying out louds".*I just stayed in my room paintin' away* I ain't no dummmy* I knows when to stay out of a p.o.d man's way* I figured he had tipped over the paint left in the pan and it ran all over* Like down the washer and even into the washer basket. So...I just kep'a paintin' and a paintin'*
Well, about a long time later I heard"'Here, here's your roller." That's when I found out he had shoved the screw driver he was using to chip off the roller, deep into his hand!!!! It was bleeding and kept bleeding, and kept bleeding* Even after the sympathetic (not) woman that I am showed him how to elevate it and where to apply pressure* Of course that was wrong* He knew how to apply pressure, he does it all the time when he he gets hurt* That is why it was still bleeding even after.... Finally I wrapped it with sugical tape and a sterile pad* Did you know Hypo-allergenic tape is not really surgical tape? I didn't either* but as I told him I ain't no #&@* nurse so do it yourself if you can do better!
Did I tell you I LOVE snow days???? Now if only they had snow days without snowmen!!!!!

Sunday, December 7, 2008

dancing

I get to dance again!!!! I started dancing when I was in 9th grade. I loved it and it quickly became my life. Finally a way to release all that was inside. I quickly moved from basic ballet and jazz to acrobats and tap. I felt like I was flying with my leaps and jumps. Backbends actually felt good. I could leap tall buildings with a single jete. I could even dive over 5 girls landing into a walkover!
Fast forward a FEW years and back to dancing....this time it was clogging. Wow! even more fun and getting to perform at lots of cool places. I got so good at costume changes that I could change a whole outfit, IN THE CAR while driving!
Never danced on/with a pole though. I don't like cold things touching my body!









Fast forward to Sunday. I get to dance again. This time a liturgical dance (worship) This is the first time they have had dancing at this church so.... but I am excited! I love to dance, move to music. Duh, go figure those with ADHD like to move. Oh yeah, only natural.

Got the music, "Sent By the Father" by Ray Bolz ,and the moves but one small problem. The dress. It's a black short sleeveless with full skirt. It was used by the high school jazz choir. Boy did we have fun trying on costumes in the drama department closet. We laughed so hard at some of the get -ups. Dresses that were so old, at least from the '80s! Gunny Sacs, prom dresses, turn of the century get-ups. Of course we had to model them for the rest of the class. On the way back to the closet I took a detour through the office to show off my apron and sombrero. WHOOPs!!!!! The state auditors were in there going over books. Do you know how much number crunchers DO NOT have a sense of humor? Oh yes, the dress. It has one shoulder strap and the other side no strap so I need a strapless bra. Thus the problem.....Gravity . Who would guess they don't make bras for...well the droopies?

I tried everything! Then I remembered ..... how could I have forgotten my best friend? The Duck
So I grabbed my roll, yanked off the bra.....Brrrrrrrr even old ones get a little perky in the cold. Then I wrapped and strapped and tugged and lifted, and cleave-ated. All with an image in my mind of how I should look. Well, it's a good thing my Lord has a sense of humor 'cause the tape didn't work! And I am sure HE was really laughing as he watched me g..e..n..t..l..y remove the tape from places it shouldn't have been it the first place. YEaouch that stuff sure sticks!

So, I will just wear the dress and hope the" girls" stay put. After all ,it isn't about how I look but what is in my heart. Let them praise his name with dancing... Psalms 149:3


Sent By the Father by Ray Bolz


One more time you've heard the story ,of our Savior's birth.
Heard how few beheld his glory, when he came to Earth.
Oh but soon every eye will see Him, angels by his side.
See Him now on a great white stallion, in the eastern sky.


chorus:

Sent by the Father, Jesus go and call my children.
A trumpet sounds and the angels sing, like never before.
With shepherds and wisemen, we humbly bow.
And every tongue confess that He is Lord.


When He comes in all His glory, comes to claim His own.
We won't need a star to guide us, we'll be going home.
Once a baby in a manger, no room at the inn.
Now a King to reign forever, over death and sin.

Chorus repeat.


Please pray for us as we lead the church in a new form of worship and also for the 2 girls that are dancing with me. They don't know Jesus so this is an opportunity for me to witness to them in a LEGAL way at school.